PRE-BROADCAST
(Permana is at the anchor desk with a make-up artist giving him a touch-up and the floor manager on the opposite side.)
Floor Manager: So, the Meggies have asked me to tell you to keep it light.
Permana: What?
Floor Manager: Basically just avoid getting drawn into talking about the more major stuff.
Permana: They do know what we usually do, right?
Floor Manager: Ten seconds, everyone! Yeah, well, they kept on pestering.
Permana: (Chuckles) They must be desperate.
Floor Manager: Maybe.
(The floor manager walks off-screen, with the make-up artist following suit.)
Floor Manager: Going in five… four… three…
SEGMENT 1.1 - HEADLINES
Permana: Greetings. I'm Phinnias Alim Permana. It's the 27th of August 2023. Our headlines tonight:
Permana: "Fight for the Trees" - With the amount of smelting and mining activities being done on Level 807, and no signs of them ever stopping, the Ecology Protection Agency are still fighting for the restoration of the level's flora by force. The M.E.G. condemned their attacks on what they described as "a barbaric disturbance."
(A headline image of the E.P.A. destroying smelters is shown.)
Permana: E.P.A. leader Jean Marie Kepler commented, "We only wish to be heard. And if peaceful protesting won't get us anywhere, then we have to be more forceful in our cause."
Permana: "A New Leaf" - With the recent passing of Backrooms Robotics CEO Allistair Edford, the company have appointed Callum Andrews as their new CEO. This photo, taken from our archive, gives us a sense of this firebrand.
(A headline image of Callum Andrews with Allistair Edford is shown.)
Permana: Callum Andrews has always impressed. He has showed off all his hard work countless of times with his communication and economic skills, often helping Mr. Edford, whom he kept a close friendship with. It was clear that Mr. Andrews was the only right choice for such a position. But what do the general public think of this appointment? Roving reporter Georgia Reagan found out…
(A footage of Reagan and an elderly woman is played.)
Reagan: What are your thoughts on Callum Andrews?
Elderly Woman: Who, love?
Reagan: Uh, Callum Andrews.
Elderly Woman: Who's that?
Reagan: The man recently appointed as the CEO for Backrooms Robotics?
Elderly Woman: Oh. I don't really care.
Reagan: Oh…
(The woman takes out a cigarette.)
Elderly Woman: Got a light, dearie?
(The footage ends.)
Permana: In his press conference, Callum Andrews announced a new product called Enti-Traps. Andrews claims the product will be an effective new way to help disorientate dangerous entities during a close encounter, giving time for the wanderer to escape, but concerns have been raised about the product's safety.
Permana: "Sharpest Tools in The Shed" - A slightly dazed-looking Loony's Goodies CEO Luna "Loony" Oddball has recently begun the program "Busyhands Camp".
(A headline image of Luna Oddball in front of the gates of Busyhands Camp is shown.)
Permana: Ms. Oddball has promised the program will not only increase employment among "those little ankle biters," but also productivity. The scheme is being marketed under the slogan: "Lots of little hands, to do lots of little things." Some are speaking out against what they're calling child labour. But what do you, the general public, feel about this? Georgia?
(Another footage of Reagan and the same woman is played.)
Reagan: So, what do you think of Busyhands Camp?
Elderly Woman: That sounds alright to me.
Reagan: Well, it could be seen as child labour.
Elderly Woman: Well, then, that sounds bad to me.
Reagan: Do you know what it is?
Elderly Woman: Nope.
Reagan: Oh, for God's sake…
(The footage ends.)
Permana: "Uncooperative" - The Egress Brotherhood, a radicalized religious cult, have claimed that they have been able to successfully re-enter Earth using a form of meditation they call "A Way Out". After a long time of developing this technique, they have created a 7-step plan which allegedly grants anyone the ability to transport back to Earth.
(A headline image of a member of the brotherhood denying a wanderer access to a meditation point is shown.)
Permana: However, they have refused to reveal said plan to the public as it is only exclusive to those deemed "worthy." They are also currently preventing other wanderers from accessing meditation points on Level 63. So, what do we think of this so-called brotherhood and their grandiose claims? Georgia Reagan, again…
(A third footage of Reagan and the same woman is played.)
Reagan: Do you have any feelings about The Egress Brotherhood…?
Elderly Woman: Ah, now that is something I really care about.
Reagan: Oh, fantastic! So, uh, what are your opinions?
(The woman suddenly starts coughing.)
Reagan: Oh G- Are you okay?
Elderly Woman: Y- yeah, just give me a moment, love…
(More coughing.)
Reagan: Jesus, you-
(More profuse coughing.)
Reagan: Christ. Have you thought about quitting smoking?
(The coughing gradually stops.)
Elderly Woman: Right.
Reagan: …S- so yeah, The Egress Brotherhood. What are your thoughts?
Elderly Woman: Well, ever since my grandson, Victor, got some for himself, we've been having much better opinions on Thimble Thursdays.
Reagan: No, we're not talking about that, are we? We're talking about the cultists on Level 63!
Elderly Woman: Oh… sorry. How stupid of me. In that case, I don't really care. I'm indifferent, love.
(Reagan sighs.)
(The footage ends.)
Permana: And finally, "The Sound of Phantoms" - Despite the gradually decreasing popularity of Phantom Music, some artistic wanderers still continue to create works built from Phantom Sounds, including this group of thespians.
(A headline image of a group of young theatrical actors performing on Level 1 is shown.)
Permana: Known for their famous show "Let's Be Friends", this group of four theatrical sensations will be performing to us a sneak peek of their new and upcoming musical, "Don't Be a Bully". I honestly don't know what to expect, but from those titles alone, I'm sure it'll be just wonderful. And if you did not catch that, that was sarcasm.
SEGMENT 1.2 - LEVEL 807
Permana: But first, with the conditions of Level 807 reducing more and more as time goes on, and people showing concerns about the future of the level, I'll be grilling M.E.G. Operative Eliot Jones from Base Delta on Level 230. That's coming up on this Backrooms Cyclical Broadcast.
(The title sequence starts.)
Floor Manager: Titles, thirty-two seconds.
(The floor manager approaches Permana with some papers and hands them to him.)
Floor Manager: You might wanna put your grill back in the box.
Permana: What do you mean? What're these?
Floor Manager: New questions. Meggy-approved.
Permana: Are you kidding me? They really sent these?
(Permana sifts through the papers.)
Floor Manager: Even in the Backrooms, you can't escape the wrath of PR. They also basically said to avoid discussing too much of the important stuff since Eliot Jones could apparently get quite cranky.
Permana: (Scoffs) Make sure to give them one of our biggest 'fuck you's.
Floor Manager: (Chuckles) Already on it. Ten seconds, everyone!
Permana: Well, I'm not sticking to these, just so you know.
(He sets aside the papers and grabs another set that were already on the desk.)
Floor Manager: (Sighs) Good luck.
(The floor manager walks off-screen.)
Floor Manager: Back in five… four… three…
(The title sequence ends.)
Permana: First up on this broadcast, we'll be interviewing Eliot Jones, who's speaking to us from Base Delta on Level 230. Good evening, Mr. Jones, are you receiving me?
Jones: Hello, Phinnias! Yes, loud and clear.
Permana: Well, first, I should ask you, however did Level 807 manage transform from a perfectly safe and peaceful pine forest into a depressing field of stripped tree trunks with a temperature that, in the words of one of our reporters, (proceeds to talk in a British accent) "makes you sweat buckets"?
Jones: U- uh, I… suppose that's a fair question to ask and possibly one that is on your viewers' minds. Well, what can we say? I- I suppose… it is due to one of our former operatives there, Madam Jean Marie Kepler and-
Permana: Ah, yes, Ms. Kepler. The former operative who, along with many of your other operatives, walked out on you around one month ago from now, yes? It says here that she is wanted for arson, theft, defection, and sabotage. Additionally, she is also the founder and leader of the group known as The Ecology Protection Agency, who have infiltrated your now-destroyed outpost's defenses, sabotaged the smelters and stolen mining equipment. Do you suppose there was any viable reason as to why they did all of those things?
Jones: Well… we don't have an exact idea as to what the reason may be… but, we speculate that it was due to simple greed. Level 807 is one of the only levels containing some rare materials, after all. Ever since Level 901… You know…
Permana: I see. Well, you might not know what the E.P.A.'s motives are, however, our sources have given us some insightful knowledge. According to some e-mails between yourself and Ms. Kepler, she suggested to move your smelting operations in Level 807 to somewhere else and that the mining activities should be reduced due to the diminishing fertility of the soil and the increase in the level's temperature. Then, you proceeded to deny her suggestions.
Jones: How did you-
Permana: The e-mails also state that your reasons for denying the move of the smelting operations are, as follows: one, more manpower from other M.E.G. bases would be required, and then you stated that they wouldn't like it; two, rumors of the U.E.C. having constructed a base in Level 182, which haven't been proven true up until now; and three, the move would jeopardize any supply lines from other groups.
Jones: That is-
Permana: And then, the reasons you gave for the denial of the mining activity reduction are: one, the B.N.T.G. also use your mines; two, the level is one of the only sources of rare metals since the closure of mining activities in Level 901; and three, fear of the Backrooms Robotics to be more aligned with the U.E.C. in relation to reason number two.
Jones: You illegally obtained those-
Permana: In addition, your renovated smelters, which you stated would help reduce the amount of toxic gases released into the air, managed to instead make the acid rain even more acidic.
(Jones' tone becomes more hostile.)
Jones: My apologies, but is that in your list of questions?
Permana: I simply thought the viewers might want to know. Mr. Jones, I would like to ask you, with the conditions of Level 807 worsening as we go by, what plans do you have to restore it back?
Jones: Well, that's a very blunt question…
Permana: Surely someone such as yourself, the head of the M.E.G. operatives in charge of said level, must have an answer.
Jones: Don't you get smart with me, Permana. You think you're so high and mighty, don't you? Well guess what? You and your fucking news vermin are not as powerful as you think you are. You want to talk about plans? Let me tell you about plans. That's all we do. FUCKING PLANS! And revised plans. And then meetings to discuss the implementations of plans.
Permana: Okay-
Jones: And plans and yet more planning for-
Permana: Okay, Mr. Jones.
Jones: -fucking plans and yet more FUCKING PLANS!
Permana: Well, that's good to know, Mr. Jones-
Jones: D'you know… We used to really like you people. But we've been watching you. And you know what? You get more meddlesome every day.
(Permana starts nodding with a smile on his face.)
Permana: We will take that as a compliment.
Jones: What else ya got, then, huh?!
Permana: Sorry?
Jones: On your papers! What else you wanna ambush me with?! Come on!
(Permana reads through his papers.)
Permana: Um…
Jones: Come on!
Permana: Okay. We have received reports of wanderers claiming to have seen some entities wandering about the level. Can you, in any way, corroborate or deny this claim?
Jones: Well, if you'd recall, Permana, we have told the public a thousand times that those rumors are un-fucking-true. There's no evidence to prove it is true, and if there's no proof, it's not true.
Permana: Mmm. Mr. Jones, thank you for joining us. To all of our viewers, do keep in mind that we will be releasing those e-mails our team have obtained sometime after this broadcast. I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss them. When we come back, our roving reporter, Melvin Sage, will be inquiring about certain mysterious vials. We'll be back, after the break.
1ST AD BREAK
Floor Manager: Two minutes back, everyone.
(The floor manager approaches Permana.)
Floor Manager: Well, they certainly weren't lying about him being cranky.
Permana: I think that went well.
Floor Manager: Mm, we might get in trouble, though.
Permana: With the M.E.G.? Nah. They know better than to put an end to us. Or to any other group, really. A lot of these powerful fuckwads already hate us and we're still surviving.
Floor Manager: Everything has an end, Finn.
Permana: Well, of course. But we're not going to be ended by any of those groups, that's for sure.
Floor Manager: Just… be careful, okay? Especially with the ones from… like, The Iron Fist.
(Permana pauses.)
Permana: You have a point there.
BEFORE SEGMENT 2
(Permana is still sitting at the anchor desk. The make-up artist is giving him a touch-up again. The floor manager is on the other side, checking the timer.)
Permana: What are they called again? The… "Black Aloe Vera" or something?
Floor Manager: "Dark Reparation Vials". And yeah, I don't trust them either. My friend Joey says they put one in their backpack and could hear it whispering.
Permana: Is this Joey the one who thinks TVs have mechanical puppets inside them?
Floor Manager: Yeah, the one who says sewer water turns geckos metrosexual!
Permana: Not the best source of information, then, are they?
Floor Manager: Ten seconds! Don't blame me when you suddenly turn into a crystal.
Permana: Like I'll ever touch that black slime.
(The floor manager and the make-up artist walk off-screen.)
Floor Manager: Going in five… four… three…
SEGMENT 2 - DARK REPARATION VIALS
Permana: Welcome back. For our second part, our roving reporter, Melvin Sage, will be investigating what have been known as the "Dark Reparation Vials". These vials, containing viscous liquid of six different colours each, have been found on multiple levels, yet no information regarding its use or effects have been discovered. However, a little more than three weeks ago, one wanderer used one of these vials containing black liquid by smearing it all over their deep gash, causing their injury to heal within approximately two days. More information can be found on the General Public Database article of said vials. Now, let's go over to Melvin Sage, who is standing by with the aforementioned wanderer, on Level 10. Melvin?
(Sage is by a lake with Elizabeth Wilkinson.)
Sage: Thanks, Phinnias. I'm here with Elizabeth Wilkinson. Thank you for spending time with us today. I believe you've also previously been interviewed by The Eternal Repository, is that correct?
Wilkinson: Yes, that's right.
Sage: So, can you tell us about your experience with these vials?
Wilkinson: So, I found this one black vial on Level 55. I don't have it anymore 'cause the E.R. took it for analysis. Um, but, um, I got a huge gash because of a Smiler and I was in a rush while digging through my stuff, so I didn't see what I was putting on my arm. When I did, it- it- it just hurt as all Hell, I mean… My arm basically felt like it was steamed in a rice cooker, had a hot branding iron taped onto it, and then was forced to join a cycling competition in Australia.
Sage: …That's so weirdly specific…
Wilkinson: Yeah… I passed out from the pain, it was that bad.
Sage: Crikey… Is that when you got into a two-day coma?
Wilkinson: Yup. And after that I found that my arm was just… fine. Look.
(Wilkinson rolls up her right cardigan sleeve and shows her right arm to Sage and the camera.)
Wilkinson: No scabs, no dark marks, no nothing.
Sage: You said that your friend told you the skin and muscles just regrew, right?
Wilkinson: Yeah. I can't even believe it myself.
(Wilkinson rolls her sleeve back down. Suddenly, a child runs into frame.)
Child: Betty!
Sage: Oh!
Wilkinson: Wh- Crystal, what are you doing here? Where's your uncle?
Child: I miss you! I wanna play ball!
Wilkinson: A- alright, after I'm done talking to the reporter, okay?
Child: Mmmh… Okay…
Wilkinson: (Chuckles) Go wait in our usual spot, okay?
Child: Okay.
(Wilkinson pats the child's shoulders as she retreats back off-screen.)
Sage: Crikey.
Wilkinson: Oh yeah, that reminds me, I actually found a black crystal in the bottle after I emptied it.
Sage: I see. So, what are your thoughts about these vials?
Wilkinson: Well, I think that they're really helpful for when you're hurt. It hurts a lot when you apply it, but…
(Wilkinson suddenly cuts herself off and starts clutching her right arm.)
Sage: …A- are you okay?
Wilkinson: Um… (Grunts) No. S- something's… Argh!
Sage: Uh-
(Wilkinson starts to loudly grunt in pain.)
Sage: Should we cut away? W- we should-
(Wilkinson grunts even more. She collapses onto the ground.)
Sage: Ms. Wilkinson! I- We'll get you some help, w- we-
(Then, Wilkinson stops grunting as her pain disappears.)
Sage: Ms. Wilkinson…?
Wilkinson: I- I'm… I'm fine… God, that was… It felt like… like something was… spreading? (Sighs) That was hellish.
Sage: …W- well… There you have it, Phinnias. Elizabeth Wilkinson's experience with one of these mysterious vials… and I think we should definitely get her some help, so b- back to you in the studio.
Permana: …Th- thanks, Melvin. Um, interesting stuff there. In part… Sorry. Uh, to all of our viewers, I'm sure this goes without saying a- after seeing that, but please refrain from… consuming or using these vials. If you or someone else you know have already consumed one of these vials in some way, which I sincerely hope not, I would recommend seeking professional help… Anyway, in part three, I'll be in the Culture Spot talking with a group of four sensational thespians. We'll be back, after this.
2ND AD BREAK
Floor Manager: Two and a half minutes back, everybody!
(The floor manager approaches Permana.)
Floor Manager: So…
Permana: We need more info on that story.
Floor Manager: Yeah…
Permana: Find out everything we can, that could not have been good.
Floor Manager: I'm sure the E.R. are already on it.
Permana: God, I really hope that kid earlier didn't see that…
(Permana sighs. A tense silence occurs. Then, Permana breaks it.)
Permana: What's, um… what's "Let's Be Friends"?
Floor Manager: Sorry?
Permana: "Let's Be Friends"? Like, I know it's a play, but is it as bad as I think it is?
Floor Manager: …Are you winding me up?
Permana: What? I genuinely don't know, Kenny.
BEFORE SEGMENT 3
(Permana is sitting in the interview chair while a sound technician prepares his microphone and the make-up artist is giving him yet another touch-up.)
Permana: I've actually never heard of it before.
Sound Technician: It's big. Really big.
Permana: Oh… is it any good?
Sound Technician: Nah. 'Course not. It's dog shit. My siblings go mad for it, though.
Floor Manager: (Off-screen) Back in ten seconds!
Permana: Wait, Jolene, you have siblings? Here?
Sound Technician: Yeah. I've got about eight or ten, I think?
(The sound technician and the make-up artist walk off-screen.)
Floor Manager: Five… four… three…
Permana: (Mumbling) My God…
SEGMENT 3 - "DON'T BE A BULLY"
Permana: Welcome back. For our third part, I am delighted, it says there on the autocue, to be talking to a group of talented thespians. They rose to fame with their well-known musical, "Let's Be Friends", in which all the songs were derived from phantom music recordings, and then continued to take the performing arts industry by storm with their following works. Viewers, please, welcome them all to the show.
(The four cast members walk into frame, waving and cheering happily, before sitting down on the guest sofa.)
Féline: Hey.
Permana: H- Hi…
Folio: We're so honoured to be here!
Permana: W- Wait, hang on, you're all children?
O'Dahl: Mhm! vat's always the first fin' vat peopaw no'ice aboot us. (Giggles)
Permana: Oh… okay, well, thanks for joining us. I do apologize, though, since I have no idea who you all are.
Lowe: Ahw, it's ahwkay, brahw. We've nevuh actually heard of you befowh eithuh. So, if you get a little tohngue-tied we can always carry things ahwn.
Permana: Duly noted. Um, why don't you introduce yourselves to the viewers, just in case some of them also don't know you? One by one, let's start with you.
Lowe: With pleashuh! Hello, everyone! I'm Cara Lowe! I'm fowhteen years owhld and proudly from Brooklyn.
Féline: Brandon Féline, eight and a quarter, Aldershot-born, but moved to Los Angeles. Yes, my last name is pronounced "feh-leen."
O'Dahl: I'm Louis O'Dahl, twelve years owld. I used to be a professionaw singer back 'ome and I'm ve one peopaw von' understand when I'm speakin' normawwy. Apparently, it's my London accent? (Shrugs)
Folio: And I'm Pippa Folio, I'm seven years old and the youngest! I'm also from Los Angeles and our fans call me the cute one. (Twirls hair)
Permana: Mmm, that's… incredible. So, your first show, "Let's Be Friends", only appeared on the stage just two months ago and it just exploded. I mean, what was that like for you?
Folio: Oh, it was just sooo bonkers! We were in all the papers and the magazines!
Lowe: Honestly, we didn't really expect much when we first desahwded to wrahyte the stowhry and come onto the stage. But then, suddenly, HUZZAH! Next thing you know, we're on too-uh!
Permana: Oh, wait, you were also the creators of the shows?
Féline: Well, everyone helped by putting in their ideas, then some of us went away to work on the actual scriptwriting and the props. Uh, but yes, it's very much a team effort.
O'Dahl: Brandon and Pippa were really ve ones who came up with ve 'owe idea in ve first place.
Folio: So, Brandon and I were drinking our Almond Water while listening to Cara's phantom music tapes. Then suddenly, I thought of actually doing stuff with them!
Féline: After a lot of discussing, we decided to go with my idea of turning them into musical plays. Pippa was really enthusiastic about it.
Folio: Oh, but I could never act as well as Brandon! (Twirls hair)
Lowe: Louis is mainly the one who does the singin'. He's the lead singuh in, like, most of our sowhngs.
O'Dahl: (Chuckles) Oh, come on now, Cara! Yes, I do most of the singin' in our plays. But, honestly, if it weren't for Cara tapin' and then edi'in' all the music we use, we wouldn't 'ave been able to make vem into ve musicals peopaw love now.
Féline: I still think she had too much free time taping all that…
Folio: Aw, don't be mean, Brandon!
Féline: Am I wrong? I mean, Cara, you could've died. Weren't you scared?
Lowe: Nahwt really. I had some adahwlts come with me every tahyme I did that. So, it really wasn't that bad.
Permana: I see. Well, um, other than you four, is there anyone else who is involved?
O'Dahl: Well, vere's Allan, for one.
Permana: Allan?
Féline: My older brother.
Lowe: He helps you wrahyte the scripts, rahyght?
Féline: More like sabotages them, but yeah.
Folio: Oh, I don't think it's that bad! (Twirls hair) He's certainly trying!
Féline: Trying to run us off a cliff.
Permana: Hmm, is it really that bad, Brandon?
Féline: It- it's… (Sighs) It's really bad. He thinks he knows so much just because he directed a pantomime in 8th grade. None of us even asked for his help. He just randomly put himself into our team.
O'Dahl: At least he's fun!
Féline: Hah, yeah that's a good joke. Also, clearly the only reason why people love our plays is our acting and not Allan's writing.
Permana: Wow, Brandon, do you think he'd be happy with you saying all these catty remarks about him on live television?
Féline: He's right there.
(Féline points to somewhere behind the cameras.)
Permana: O- oh…
Folio: There's also the grown-ups who vo… vuh- vo- what's the word?
Lowe: Vahwluntee-uhd?
Folio: Yes! The grown-ups who volunteered to walk us to our shows. Just in case we come across some nasties. It's a bit scary, really. I'm only seven years old, I'm the youngest. (Twirls hair)
Féline: You really don't have to repeat that, Pippa.
Permana: Okay. Well, I believe you're going to be performing to us a sneak peek of your play. Do explain to us a bit about it. What happens in it?
Folio: So, basically, it's about this character that I play who's being bullied at a new school.
O'Dahl: Vis scene we're showin' is ve scene of 'er bein' boowied by one of ve boowy characters, ve first one in ve story.
Lowe: Her charactuh doesn't actually have a name in this one. It's lahyke… a metaphawh? So, lahyke, maybe she's you at home or maybe she's you, Phinnias.
Féline: A pretty cool idea. Sadly, the awful writing ruins it.
Permana: I see. Well, you can go and get ready for that, then. I can't wait to see it.
(All four children get up and walk off-screen, except for Féline who is momentarily stopped by Permana.)
Permana: Hey, Brandon, before you go, I would like to talk with your older brother, if that's okay with you.
Féline: Hah, sure, whatever.
Permana: Alright. Jolene, mic him up, please.
(Féline follows the other three off-screen. Shortly after, Allan Féline comes in and sits down on the guest sofa.)
A. Féline: Hello, Phinnias!
Permana: Hello, Allan. How old are you? You look to be around my age.
A. Féline: I'm nineteen, as a matter of fact! When I first fell down here, I was panicking, yeah? But then, when I learned that we don't age here, it's actually quite alright!
Permana: Okay. So, can you tell us what made you partake in your little brother's group and their plays without anyone even asking you to?
A. Féline: Ah, well you see, when I first heard that my little brother and his friends were wanting to do this, I talked to them about it. They said they just wanted to bring a bit of joy and spread awareness about difficult issues in people's lives. Who wouldn't want to help with that? And because I directed a pantomime when I was in 8th grade, it was easy for me to lead the way.
Permana: Sorry, you did hear what your brother was saying about you, right?
A. Féline: Oh, it's all just silly little banter. (Chuckles) Anyway, I just think that when we travel around these levels and all these troubled people see us, they think, "I really want to be like those amazing kids one day." And that's, like, a really really beautiful and touching thing!
(Féline laughs and Permana side-eyes one of the cameras for a short moment.)
A. Féline: We touch our audiences, and they touch us right back!
(A moment of silence occurs, until Permana breaks it.)
Permana: Alright…
(Permana turns towards the camera.)
Permana: Well, it was certainly interesting to chat with all of them just now, especially Allan.
A. Féline: Aw, please, you're making me blush!
Permana: …I think it's important to stay grounded and to keep your head from flying too far up into the clouds. Clearly, not everyone agrees. But now, let's have a look at a short section of "Don't Be a Bully". Enjoy, viewers.
(The lights turn off. A short recording of phantom piano sounds is played as the lights slowly turn on to reveal Pippa Folio standing in front of a set of props representing a school environment, with her back facing the cameras. She slowly starts to turn towards the cameras as the piano sounds subside.)
Folio: Dear diary… (Twirls hair) I'm not sure I can take another day at this new school… Every day, I always cry.
(The rest of the cast poke out from behind the props.)
Féline, Lowe, and O'Dahl: Cry!
(Then retreat back. They proceed to repeatedly do this everytime Folio finishes saying a line.)
Folio: I cry until my eyes are dry.
Féline, Lowe, and O'Dahl: Dry!
Folio: I feel like I keep being hunted by vultures.
Féline, Lowe, and O'Dahl: Vultures!
Folio: There's always trouble around every corner.
(The rest of the cast come out from behind the props and circle around Folio.)
Féline, Lowe, and O'Dahl: (In a sing-songy tone) There's trouble all around. There's trouble all around. There's trouble all around.
(They all stop. Phantom chatter sounds fade in. Cara Lowe and Brandon Féline each walk off to the left and right sides. Folio turns to the left side. Louis O'Dahl positions himself behind her. Folio turns around and acts startled.)
Folio: O- oh… Hi, Manny… (Twirls hair)
(Lowe positions herself behind Folio, acting as the protagonist's inner thoughts.)
Lowe: Ahw gahwsh, nahw! It's Manny the Bully!
All: Manny the Bully!
O'Dahl: Wew, if it isn't the new kid?
(Féline positions himself behind O'Dahl, acting as Manny's inner thoughts.)
Féline: Nice! I've been looking for someone to boowy aw day. But, wiw this make me feew be'er aboot my awfuw parents?
All: (Whispering) Awful parents…
Folio: S- sorry, can you move out of the way? I'm late for biology. It's my favourite subject.
O'Dahl: Hah! Biowogy is so lame! They're for losers! But, I guess it's fi'in' for someone who came from Losertown! Now, give me your lunch money!
Féline: More lunch for me today! But… is food reawwy enough to make me truwy 'appy…?
Lowe: I'm sick of ahwll this bullyin'. I need to fahyght back!
Folio: Hmph, not today, Manny the Bully!
O'Dahl: Wha'?! Wha' do you mean "no' today"?! Do you know who I am?! I'm Manny the Boowy and you're just a sad li'le nerd with two gay dads! You don't even have any friends, because no one would ever want to be friends with you!
Folio: (Snickers) That's where you're wrong, Manny. These…
(Lowe and Féline each move to Folio's right and left.)
Folio: …are my two new friends! Suzie is the president of the photography club.
Lowe: That's me!
Folio: And Charlie owns an electric guitar.
Féline: Yeah!
O'Dahl: Wh- wha'?! 'ow did you get two friends so quickly?! I don't even 'ave any friends mysewf…!
(The chatter sounds fade away. The song segment of the musical starts. A recording of phantom ticking clock sounds is played, followed by light drums. Féline, Lowe, and O'Dahl go and hide behind the props. Folio takes center stage and has her head down. After the light drums, guitar sounds start to play and Folio lifts her head up.)
Folio:
It's another day,
Another day full of trials…
I may be you…
(Lowe retreats from her hiding place and moves to Folio's right.)
Lowe:
She may be you…
Folio:
Or you may be me…
(Féline retreats from his hiding place and moves to Folio's left.)
Féline:
Or you may be her…
Folio, Lowe, and Féline:
Let's stop all bullying
and then work as a team!
(The three of them move aside as O'Dahl takes center stage.)
O'Dahl:
It's my choice to be mean!
Folio, Lowe, and Féline:
So stop now!
Féline:
Time to change yourself!
Lowe:
Time to be your better self
(The guitar and light drum sounds fade away. Electric keyboard sounds come in. The cast move the props aside.)
Folio:
Aye, aye, aye…
(Rhythmic clapping sounds follow suit.)
Folio:
Listen up, people,
This is the bully-free zone.
This is for all the bullies out there,
So you all listen close!
(Electric drum sounds then start to play.)
Folio:
Do not be a bully!
Do not be a bully!
We all don't like bullies…
Folio, Lowe, and Féline:
So don't be a bully!
(A short musical interlude, in which one of the cameras briefly moves over to Permana whispering to the sound technician, until Folio breaks it with the next verse. When the sound technician retreats, the camera moves back to the children.)
Folio:
You bullies, listen up!
I won't take your crap
Bullies aren't cool
In fact, they are bad!
I ain't afraid of your-
All:
Cruel, cruel acts!
Folio:
I'm gonna tell the teacher
If you don't-
All:
Be polite!
Folio:
Do not be a bully!
Do not be a bully!
We all don't like bullies…
Folio, Lowe, and Féline:
So don't be a bully!
O'Dahl:
This is me
I'm Manny the Bully
You all think that I'm a big meanie
But maybe you'll all change your minds
Once you know how I became-
All:
Manny the-
(The music suddenly stops.)
Folio: What happened? (Twirls hair)
Floor Manager: (Off-screen) Jolene?
Sound Technician: (Off-screen) Uh-oh! I'm sorry, everyone, but it appears the recording has suddenly malfunctioned.
A. Féline: (Off-screen) What? Can you fix it?
Sound Technician: I can, but you see, it's gonna take me a while.
(Permana walks on-screen. He is visibly trying to keep up a fake smile.)
Permana: Well, that is certainly a shame. I'm so very sorry, Allan, but this isn't the first time this has happened, you see. I suppose we will just have to cut short the sneak peek of, uh… of "Don't Bully Kids."
Lowe: Uh, that's nohwt-
Permana: Yes, yes, it is a shame. But, we would like to thank the cast so much for the, uhm, amazing performance. Uh, while the sneak peek ended on a bad note, I'm sure the real show will be… breathtaking. (Chuckles) So, make sure you come and see it. On that note, that's all the time we have for tonight. Join us next time for more news from across the Backrooms. I'm Phinnias Alim Permana, let's keep moving forward.
POST-BROADCAST
Floor Manager: (Off-screen) A- and we're out!
A. Féline: Well, that certainly was a disaster. But, it's okay! Come on, kids, let's go eat. I know just the perfect place to cheer you up!
(All the kids, except for Brandon Féline, walk off-screen, following Allan Féline. Then, the floor manager and sound technician walk over to Permana.)
Floor Manager: Finn, do me a favour, and don't ever fucking do that again. I have a job to do.
Permana: Look, you know just as well as I do that that was one of the worst things we've ever had in the Culture Spot.
Floor Manager: I hate you so much.
Permana: Sure you do, Kenny.
(The floor manager leaves. The sound technician simply gives Permana a high-five before she leaves as well. Permana approaches Féline, seeing as he has not left.)
Permana: Hi. Sorry for, uh… sabotaging things like that.
Féline: It's… fine. I was dying to leave anyway.
Permana: You did great, though, all of you. Your fake London accent was great.
(Permana pets the boy's head.)
Féline: You know, I used to be an actor back home.
Permana: Really? What films were you in?
Féline: Oh, uhm, I was a theatre actor.
Permana: Oh.
Féline: Yeah. So, when we decided we'd use Cara's tapes to make musicals, I thought it was gonna be fun. But, it's just day after day with that dummy.
Permana: (Sighs) You'll outlast him. You have talent, kid. Believe me.
Féline: This isn't gonna end well for me, is it?
Permana: Mmm, maybe you'll get lucky and he'll get into a big controversy.
Féline: (Snickers) Yeah, maybe.
Permana: Just bide your time.
Féline: Thank you… It's nice to have someone agree with me for once.
Permana: What about your friends?
Féline: Them? They're great, but they're too dumb to realize how Allan's basically messing us up.
Permana: Hmm… I'm sure they'll know, with time.
Féline: Maybe…
O'Dahl: Brandon, come on! We're 'avin' fried chicken!
Lowe: I'll eat 'em ahwll if you dahwn't come!
Folio: Have you ever wondered that if vegans became zombies, would they keep eating vegetables or would they, like, eat animals instead of humans?
Permana: (Chuckles) Go on, your friends are waiting.
Féline: Okay. I like you, you're nice.
Permana: Hah, you should see me as I am normally. I'm far from nice.
(Féline smiles and chuckles softly. They both wave each other goodbye before the eight-year-old boy retreats to his friends.)
