Object 32 - "Reality Fresheners"
Reality Freshener sketch
M.E.G. Archives
The terminals of Level 36 are as empty as ever when you sit at the booth, or at least it was until she showed up. As you focus on clocking back in from your 5-minute break (Time there is wonky, but what kind of boss takes advantage of it like that?) you barely notice her in her fedora and trench coat until she slams down a duffel bag onto the counter with a loud thump, and the smell of mangos permeates the air.
She starts to say "Excuse me…" when suddenly, what you can only assume was her lunch is all over the floor. Despite the spur-of-the-moment stomach smoothie, she simply looks back at you and keeps smiling as if unfazed. She taps her gloved hand on the counter.
Her: "Haha. Being sort of pregnant does that, I guess. Anyway, where was I? Ah! I need to get to Level 1 as soon as possible! Premium package. Will this be enough?"
She opens up a compartment of her bag and out spills a giant heap of B.N.T.G. presses. It's obvious at first glance there's at least a few hundred almond waters worth.
Her: "Important business. Can't afford to miss it."
She rustles something in her jacket before she then says, "When can we leave?"
She stands there without saying a word and continues to tap her fingers. You can only assume she's eager to get moving. (As I'm sure you are too)
Premium escort services? To literally just take the plane to Level 1? You feel that something is off about this, not to mention she has so much money that it's suspicious. You tell her you can't help her, as you're still on break. She scoffs, while still smiling in what you can only assume is a front for her frustration, and she heads off, presumably in search of someone else who can help her or some other way to her destination.
You never heard from her again.
What an anti-climactic ending. You do know the story can't even start if you don't engage with it, right? Where's the fun in that? Why don't you…
What's the worst that can happen? (Ah yes, where have I heard those words before?) You tell her the price, and she happily hands you a large pile of presses to start counting.
Her: "Keep the change."
She gave you more than ten times what was asked of her, for a service that can hardly be considered necessary. As protocol entails, you head to the back to get your boss, Anthony. All premium customers need to be given approval and their currency verified - a policy that was created after a particular incident. (Even in the Backrooms, fraud happens. Humans are always so… predictable, aren't they?).
Anthony: "Alright now, what have we here?"
He picks up a few pieces and begins examining them for authenticity.
(Continuing from 'Yeah…")
Her: "I'm fine, really."
She looks over to your boss, awaiting the verdict.
She again adjusts something in her pocket.
Her: "None of your business."
That gets the attention of Anthony, who looks over and says, "Eh. Doesn't matter. If she wanted to hurt us or somethin, she'd have done it by now. Besides, seems legit. Business is business."
He resumes counting.
Anthony finally puts down the presses and says "Alright. Good to go. I'll assemble a travel team for ya and my 'Employee of the Year' and get you all goin on yer way. Lord knows you paid enough for it."
He makes a call on his radio, and in minutes, Jeremy and Sasha arrive, coworkers you've known for years, but who usually don't get assigned to jobs like this - ones that aren't dangerous.
Once it is made clear that you'll go with them to escort the woman, Anthony shoos you away.
He isn't going (After all, that mountainous tip won't count itself. This is the same boss who gives you 5-minute breaks).
Unnamed Woman: "Finally! Let's not waste any more time."
Jeremy: "Nice to meet you Ms… Mrs…?"
Unnamed Woman: "Evelyn. Now hurry up. I don't have all day."
Sasha starts walking towards where the flight to Level 1 is and says, "So what's so important that it needs premium security for a basic flight? Someone out to get you?"
Evelyn: "No. Just important business."
Everyone follows Sasha.
Jeremy: "You're being so secretive about it. Makes me more curious."
Evelyn coughs and you notice she's tapping her finger against her pocket, giving you a glimpse of bright white inside.
Jeremy, ever the mischievous one, gets curious as you point this out. Before anyone can stop him, he gets closer and snatches it from her pocket.
Evelyn is speechless. That smile plastered onto her face doesn't drop, but you see tension in her face as she says, "How dare you!"
Jeremy looks at it and his eyes widen. He says, "It's on…" and looks back at Evelyn before saying, "Ma'am, that's not allowed on our flights."
He looks to you again and says, "Good catch! That could've been bad."
Evelyn: "What? Why?"
Jeremy pauses. "Because it's active."
As you all arrive at the plane in an uneventful walk, you get on and, the moment Evelyn boards, it starts shaking violently.
